Monthly Archives: July 2008

good times = pain

this video is close to my heart cause i did this to my nephew about 2 weeks ago. it wasn’t to this scale but for a 3 year old being tossed into a pool at an awkward angle im sure it felt the same. (and ya i felt like a dick afterward) which brings me to my next point, i want giants to exist. you know how awesome it would be to have someone three times your height throw you into the water… well i do, and it would be awesome. just remember people, laugh…its only pain!

if only

first of all this video is not so safe for work, so turn down the volume. second, could you imagine what the world would be like if people actually spoke like this to each other? i personally think that the world would be a better place if this actually took place every day, if we spoke the truth to each other as opposed to the smoke and mirrors that we are so good at. anyway this is funny as hell enjoy all 12 min of this one… consider it sucked!

where the hell is matt?

so first of all if this video does not bring a smile to your face then you might need to look into the possibility of you being the devil. second i want this dudes job. “excuse me sir we want you to travel the world and dance in front of the camera”… “um ok?”. finally, i need this guys moves. he kinda reminds me of a dancer that used to be pretty good, i think his name was michael jackson and he really really liked kids.

a bit familiar

either this is a sign of getting older or its a sign of how much of a nerd one truly is. now the ladies might wonder why this is true, well basically the consoles don’t talk back unless its saying “HEAD SHOT” or “KILLING SPREE” and basically that makes us feel like bad asses.

i dont know what that means?

i know that this is some older footage but it is just proof that bill needs a big ol hug from his mommy. ive always thought that i would wake up one day and find out some disgusting news about bill, like he has a secret room in his house (if you’ve seen donnie darko you know what im talking about) but for the time being this will have to do.

now this is what really happened during this delicious escapade “you troglodyte homunculus”.

iron = pain

i remember when i was in high school i thought it would be an interesting experiment to try and drop kick a shot put (and this was before the drugs), needless to say it hurt like royal hell and i barely kicked it. anyway i cant imagine how bad this hurt for the kids that fell for it… which brings me to a different point, in america we are putting rubber on playgrounds so the kids dont get hurt and in the country where this was filmed (im guessing munchkin land) the adults are bringing out the iron soccer ball with a video camera. i love it!!! way to go munchkin land

darths softer side

im not sure why this did not make the cut for the final movie but i think that this would have made a great addition to the drama. it is nice to see that darth struggles with the same things that all men do or maybe i just like the concept of a pink vader with big plastic boobies but i guess we will never know.

a familiar sight

i love this video for a couple of reasons.

First, this actually happened to me when i was in high school. the ref that showed up was not as drunk as this dude but when he got close you could definitely tell that he had a couple of “Irish car bombs” or what ever the hell he drank but in spite of being a little tipsy he did an alright job. (remember that one dad…benjamin?)

Second, this is what i do for a living (if you want to call it that). if i had a dollar for every time i had to escort someone out of the door like this i would be… well, not doing it anymore. i love how people walk when they are loaded like this guy. the angle and the persistence for him to walk on his own is flat out impressive. but at the same time this is when dudes like this like to try to take a swing at ya, and let me tell you you can see the punch coming a mile away. its really not that hard to dodge. (just in case you were wondering)

1939 wife test


So according to this chart, my girlfriend would have been a pretty lonely person back in 1939. i mean she never has her seems in hoses straight, she always warms her feet on me, and finally she sometimes wears red nail polish. guys don’t you miss those days. the days where if you slept with a hooker it was your wife’s fault and not ours cause she wasn’t pleasing you enough. the days where you could beat the living hell out of your lady and no one asked about it. now days you beat the crap out of your dame and she can press charges and then you owe her half of your stuff. we should have never given them the right to vote.

well thank god i have this chart cause i now know what to look for when im trying to land a nice docile and tamed woman…